


two hicks... smoochin' up a storm

by michael_was_filled_with_self_loathing



Category: Batman (Comics), Batman (Movies - Nolan), Batman - All Media Types, Batman: The Animated Series
Genre: Alternate Universe, M/M, farmhand!Joker, folksy!Bruce
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-04
Updated: 2018-03-04
Packaged: 2019-03-25 21:13:35
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,358
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13843155
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/michael_was_filled_with_self_loathing/pseuds/michael_was_filled_with_self_loathing
Summary: uhhh so yea i guess the justice league gets some fresh intel about a nefarious plot to abduct other versions of bruce wayne from their respective earths. so the gang splits up to go thwart some abductions…essentially just the old classic… on a mission to save another earth’s bruce, bats witnesses some alt earth b n’ jokes gettin' steamy





	two hicks... smoochin' up a storm

**Author's Note:**

> this is d u m b sorry

Batman crouched behind a piece of heavy farm equipment and silently cursed the coordinates he was given for forcing him into the brilliant sunshine.

 

 

He was sweating profusely, much more than he generally had cause to during his dark Gotham nights.

 

 

He felt overdressed and out of place in his suit and cowl amidst the rolling green land and buzzing insects.

 

 

He nevertheless kept his gaze fixed on this Earth’s version of him, feeling increasingly irate.

 

 

This Earth’s Bruce Wayne stood looking tanned and comfortable, soaking in the sun, chatting with a smiling elderly woman holding a basket overflowing with bread and other baked goods.

 

 

While the previous two Earths he had visited felt similarly jarring and unfamiliar, at least the other coordinates he was given had taken him to Gotham proper during the night, allowing Batman to lurk in the shadows comfortably as he sought out his counterparts and waited to thwart their attempted abduction.

 

 

In stark contrast, this Earth seemed almost nauseatingly bright and charming.

 

 

To Batman, the oppressive heat and sun beating down above him made this Earth's seemingly objective charms seem decidedly dubious.

 

 

To him, this ostensibly agreeable, pleasant Earth was beginning to feel positively malevolent.

 

 

Evidently something had happened on this Earth to make Gotham into an agrarian Metropolis. On this Earth the Wayne fortune was built on farming and Wayne Enterprises never had much reason to expand (although it was now known for its admirable efforts toward sustainability, exemplary labor practices, and treatment of workers).

 

 

On this Earth Martha and Thomas Wayne were still alive. To pay homage to the Wayne family roots they had made sure to keep the original Wayne family farm on the property running, although it was now a relatively small scale farm that didn’t require too much maintenance.

 

 

Still the presence of a few workers and their families meant that Batman had had to carefully avoid children laughing and playing outside close to the manor.

 

 

From his cursory exploration upon his arrival, he had found that much of the manor itself was oddly the same as it was on his Earth. The most noteworthy change was the family portraits and photographs scattered around the manor, which were much… _folksier_ here on this Earth.

 

 

Batman noted a few seemingly unironic bales of hay placed artfully in the background of quite a few of the portraits.

 

 

Bruce had actually been rather amused under the cowl.

 

 

Until he took the opportunity to contemplate what this folksy ambience and quiet atmosphere full of milling workers and children would mean for his mission.

 

 

If he had to be out during the day at least he wouldn’t have minded the sounds of rushing traffic and the looming shadows of skyscrapers in the city, but unfortunately the Wayne property on the outskirts of town is where the time and space coordinates J’onn gave him had sent him.

 

 

Of course, ultimately Batman had persevered.

 

 

He finally located his folksy counterpart on a far edge of the property, behind one of the barns furthest from the house and found a subtle location to wait and watch.

 

 

If his experiences on the last two Earths taught him anything, it was that evidently the time and space coordinates he was given had the capacity to be so imprecise that he could be forced to wait several hours (historically anywhere from, six and a half to four hours) before his counterpart’s abductors finally deigned to arrive.

 

 

Soaked in sweat, trying not to feel too vindictive lest he succumb to the urge to leave this particular Bruce to his fate, Batman wished this Bruce would at least have the courtesy to do something _mildly_ interesting before his abductor arrived.

 

 

Otherwise this could prove to be another long, excruciating wait.

 

 

After the elderly woman (Batman learned she was the manor’s baker, who had sought Bruce out to make sure he had a lunch to eat) had left to walk back to the manor he was forced to simply watch as Bruce leaned against the barn and proceeded to eat an entire fresh demi baguette from the baker looking aimless and irritatingly content.

 

 

Batman’s attempt to remain patient and not vindictive was not going well.

 

 

He was startled out of his disgruntled reverie by a loud familiar laugh.

 

 

Batman tensed.

 

 

The abductors on the other Earths had been masked and seemingly unfamiliar to him...

 

 

Nevertheless, instinctively he mentally prepared himself to rush out and intervene.

 

 

But a quick glance to the folksy Bruce had revealed that he too had heard the laugh. But instead of tensing he looked pleased and expectant, as though he had been waiting for amused man’s arrival.

 

 

As soon as the man with the shrill, foreboding laugh had turned the corner Bruce was rushing over to meet him and pressing him against the wall of the barn where he had just been leaning.

 

 

“You’re late,” Bruce murmured without any real heat, a full grin spreading over his face, his eyes crinkling, as their eyes locked.

 

 

The man stared back at him and let out another laugh that grated on Batman’s nerves and made him tense further, even though it was now clear that this Bruce was not alarmed or concerned in the slightest by the appearance of this man.

 

 

This man who Batman could now see, despite his lack of outlandish suit and green hair, was without a doubt this Earth’s Joker.

 

 

Although on this Earth his hair looked to be a wavy dark blonde color and he was dressed extremely casually, in rolled up pants and a loose shirt speckled with soil, the man's voice and aura were unmistakable.

 

 

“See Brucie, not all of us have the gentlemanly leeeisure time to loiter around all day. Some of us have _buuusiness_ to take care of…” the alternate Joker drawled obstinately, seeming nevertheless pleased by the warm reception and the fact that this Bruce had him firmly pressed up against the wall.

 

 

Folksy Bruce just let out a snort in response and then proceeded to press his face into the alternate Joker’s neck as he simultaneously trailed his fingers up the man’s scarred face.

 

 

_Ugh_ , Batman couldn’t help but narrow his eyes as he heard the sounds that this Joker was making and realized that folksy Bruce was _sucking on his neck_.

 

 

After a minute of this Batman’s eyes followed a small amount of movement and worked out that alternate Joker was tugging at the hair at the back of Bruce’s neck to signal to him that he should take his mouth off of his neck and start to kiss him.

 

 

“I toooldja Brucie I’m a busy maaan I don’t haaave all day—,” he complained until folksy Bruce covered his mouth with a rough kiss.

 

 

“Ooohoo that’s it— make with the smoochin”, Brucie babe—” Alternate Joker urged unnecessarily, grinning, between already urgent kisses.

 

 

Despite what the alternate Joker seemed to be saying about being “busy” and having “business to take care of,” it was hard to see either he or this folksy Bruce in their loose, casual soil speckled clothing, languidly kissing in the sunshine, as having a single care in the world.

 

 

Even if Bruce or Joker had jobs or duties (and what could Joker’s job possibly be? Did he work for the Waynes? Was he a farm hand of some sort? Batman could’t even fathom a guess) Batman nevertheless suspected that the relaxed, easy-going atmosphere around here was such that they actually _did_ both have ample time for this.

 

 

Especially considering the fact that they seemed to feel safe canoodling in broad daylight, Batman couldn’t imagine any of the unhurried, ostensibly good natured people he saw milling about back by the manor would be too concerned about this or would be rushing them back to work anytime soon.

 

 

It was all profoundly disturbing and so thoroughly unlike his own Earth. 

 

 

Watching this startling, casual intimacy while listening to the Joker’s familiar grating voice alternating between moaning or giggling or urging the other Bruce on was becoming too much to handle.

 

 

Batman briefly fantasized once more about leaving this Bruce to his fate.

 

 

He grudgingly discarded the thought as his mind flashed back to the ridiculous portraits and recent framed photos back at the manor of folksy Bruce and a living Martha and Thomas, which despite their ridiculous nature, stirred something in Bruce… 

 

 

He supposed he wasn’t ready to be quite so unkind as to genuinely let someone take this Bruce away from his loved ones just because he was feeling hot and irritable.

 

 

He took a moment to let his eyes move away from the alternate Bruce and Joker’s embrace to dart around the scene in the hopes of seeing an abductor that he could concentrate on thwarting.

 

 

Unfortunately there was nothing suspicious or out of place.

 

 

Except for the obvious.

 

 

Without another viable option to focus on, he grudgingly returned his gaze to the scene in front of him.

 

 

By now Batman could see the alternate Joker’s fingers moving haphazardly under the folksy Bruce’s shirt, along his back and hips, as the other Bruce continued to kiss him roughly, only stopping to press a series of kisses along the Joker’s jaw before returning to his mouth once more. Folksy Bruce’s fingers moved from the alternate Joker’s face to tangle and tug at his hair.

 

 

Finally Joker seemed to be done with this too and he unexpectedly shoved Bruce away, grinning.

 

 

They looked at each other for a moment both breathing heavily, now both grinning.

 

 

The alternate Joker then grabbed Bruce’s hips again and shoved him around to hit the wall. He then sunk to his knees.

 

 

Folksy Bruce’s heavy gaze was immediately drawn down to his partner. Bruce’s face was flushed and his lips were red and Batman realized uncomfortably that he could see them glisten in the sunlight from the wet kisses.

 

 

_Christ_.

 

 

Batman may have decided against leaving this Bruce to the mercy of his abductor, but his resolve was certainly weakening. He took another chance to make sure there was still no suspicious movement that might herald his arrival.

 

 

Just then he heard the folksy Bruce let out a loud moan before he covered his mouth with his hand, and Batman’s gaze was involuntarily drawn back to the scene.

 

 

By this point the folksy Bruce’s loose pants were pooled around his ankles and Batman could see his fingers tugging at the Joker’s hair. Unwilling to look too closely at what the Joker was doing (though one didn’t need to be the World’s Greatest Detective to hazard a pretty accurate guess... considering the now distinctly _muffled_ nature of the thoughtful hums and occasional giggles Batman could hear coming from the man) Batman redirected his attention to Bruce’s face but in retrospect that choice was not much better.

 

 

Bruce was still flushed, watching the Joker intently, looking painfully aroused and incomprehensibly fond.

 

 

Batman couldn’t help but momentarily wonder if he had ever looked at anyone quite like that.

 

 

Batman didn't know how much longer he watched this, staring on in sick fascination at his counterpart's vigilant stare and half covered mouth as he tried and failed to stop himself from gasping out curses and moans.

 

 

But after what he suspected was only a few minutes later Bruce seemed to begin approaching his finish (Should he be embarrassed seeing how quickly the Joker could bring his alternate universe counterpart to orgasm? _Absolutely not_ , he decided obstinately. This tanned, smiling country bumpkin with crinkling, fond eyes was clearly _nothing_ like him, he insisted childishly.) 

 

 

“Ah—Jack— fuck fuck—,” Bruce cursed and the hand in Joker's hair seemed to be tugging at the strands more urgently than before.

 

 

“ _Fuck_ —“ he cursed one last time. After a moment the alternate Joker pulled away and the folksy Bruce’s legs seemed to have grown weak because he then slid to the ground looking spent but pleased.

 

 

The Joker giggled and followed to sit on his legs without hesitation.

 

 

“Nooo you look about ready to pass out! I knooow I sucked you dry Brucie babe but I was sorta hoping you’d return the favor!” the Joker’s voice grated on Batman’s nerves anew now that his mouth was no longer occupied. “I suppooose I can just take care of it myself,” the man drawled teasingly, and Batman saw his hands snaking down to his own waistband.

 

 

Bruce just grinned and started moving again, smacking the Joker’s hands away and replacing them with his own.

 

 

Batman once again obstinately refused to look too closely at what his counterpart was doing but that meant that instead his gaze was drawn to Bruce and Joker’s faces.

 

 

The folksy Bruce was still smiling but as soon as he got his hands on his partner the Joker’s previously teasing face contorted into a horribly blissful expression.

 

 

“Ooohhh Brucie now you’re getting it— Ohhh my—“ thankfully the folksy Bruce interrupted the man’s babbling with a deep kiss.

 

 

This time it was the folksy Bruce who unexpectedly pushed his partner away, still grinning. His eyes dipped down for a moment, then deliberately caught the Joker’s gaze again. Batman who had until this point been resolutely in denial about his own arousal had to force down the sudden heat he felt realizing that his counterpart simply wanted to gaze at the alternate Joker’s face, looking him in the eye as he brought him off.

 

 

If that…was indeed what the folksy Bruce was doing down there, that is. Batman could… only make an educated guess.

 

 

This intense gazing continued for a minute but it did not take long for the folksy Bruce to bring the alternate Joker to a loud climax.

 

 

The Joker broke eye contact to gaze lovingly down at the folksy Bruce’s stomach and he let out another giggle.

 

 

“You’re an absolute _mess,_ ” he announced with delight. The folksy Bruce’s eyes lit up and he grinned wickedly before reaching around to press the alternate Joker to his chest. The alternate Earth Joker yelped in surprise and jumped to his feet, now looming above Bruce.

 

 

“Hey! Whaddya think you’re doing, you caveman! This is my best shirt!” he exclaimed dramatically, glaring reprovingly at the other man, gesturing to his unremarkable, soil spattered shirt. After a moment though, his lips quirked up and he dragged a finger through the fresh mess on his shirt and brought it to his mouth.

 

 

Folksy Bruce’s gaze darkened and the amusement left his face as the pair stared intensely at one another.

 

 

Once again, Batman pointedly avoided looking down at the folksy Bruce’s unclothed lower half.

 

 

“Hmmmm maybe I oughta go find a more consiiiderate partner for next time” he threatened teasingly, stepping out of Bruce’s space.

 

 

“You know who seems like they’d be a reeeal tender lover is that— ahh!!—“ the alternate Joker broke off with a cry and a startled laugh.

 

 

Bruce had promptly leapt up after him, and after pulling up his pants, he lunged for him. The alternate Joker easily wiggled out of his grasp and fled him in earnest now, cackling.

 

 

The Joker’s slim frame was now a blur turning the corner toward the entrance to the barn, the amused Bruce following right after him.

 

 

Batman almost allowed himself an audible sigh.

 

 

Ultimately though he just quickly stood and moved to silently trail after the pair.

 

 

As he warily approached the entrance to the barn and eyed the mostly open space, he decided that the front entrance might not be the best. His quick glance inside revealed a large open window at the back of the barn above a loft and he quickly changed courses, slipping back around the barn and using his grappling gun to quietly enter through the back window.

 

 

From the loft Batman landed softly on the ground behind a heaping pile of hay on the floor. He maneuvered himself into a position where he had a good view of the entrance and of his folksy counterpart.

 

 

Batman surveyed the scene in front of him and tried not to imagine what he missed in the time it took him to join them in the barn.

 

 

When he lost them Bruce had been chasing after his partner but now Batman could see the alternate Joker’s pleased expression as he held a hand to Bruce’s chest holding him against the barn’s wall, almost mirroring their outdoor position. Before Batman could look away he saw the man pressing his other hand to his counterpart’s crotch. 

 

 

“What do you want Brucie?” the Joker asked, his voice teasing once again.

 

 

“—I want _you_ Jack— fuck—“ Bruce ground out, sounding breathless and frustrated.

 

 

“Oh? And what do you want me to _do_?”

 

 

“Ugh— _fuck_ me”

 

 

“Ohhho wowza buddy,” this Earth’s Joker beamed but he actually sounded flustered and surprised even though he seemed to have been hinting at this answer. He recovered quickly though.

 

 

“Nooo, tell me exaaactly, Brucie babe” he insisted playfully, eyes still boring into Bruce’s own, “What exaaactly do you want me to do to you?”

 

 

The folksy Bruce still looked frustrated but he huffed a laugh.

 

 

“I want you to _fuck_ me… I want you to open me up…”

 

 

“Oooh with what, Brucie, with what?” the Joker interrupted excitedly.

 

 

“With your fingers… and your tongue…”

 

 

“Ahh—“ the Joker sighed dreamily.

 

 

“I want you to get me slick and wet and open for you… And then I want you to fuck me… I want you _inside_ me Jack— _fuck_ ”

 

 

Batman honestly couldn't tell if the folksy Bruce was being entirely serious at the end there or whether he was being somewhat facetious but either way, the effect he had on his partner was immediate.

 

 

The Joker gasped and reached up to slap his hand over Bruce’s mouth.

 

 

“Oookay okay thats enough of that! Otherwise I’ll be done-zo before we even get to the main event!” he giggled and let go of his grip on Bruce’s chest and crotch to maneuver him into a comfortable position on the ground. He quickly reached over and shuffled around in the large chest sitting under the window and emerged with a jar of something. Bruce had busied himself with tugging off his shirt and shuffling out of his pants and by the time the Joker turned back to him Bruce was naked, resting on his elbows and looking impatient.

 

 

“Don’t get your panties in a twist, toots! Jeez do you ever see me gettin’ this impatient waitin’ for you to fuck me?” the Joker complained in response to the look on Bruce’s face.

 

 

“…”

 

 

“You’re literally never more vicious to me than when you’re waiting me to fuck you,” Bruce replied wryly after a deliberate pause.

 

 

The Joker giggled. “Oh yeah,” he recalled with a dreamy smile. The then lowered his head to Bruce’s collarbone and blew a loud wet raspberry into his chest.

 

 

This startled a laugh out of Bruce and he continued grinning fondly at his partner as the Joker moved back to press Bruce’s thighs up towards his stomach and grabbed Bruce’s hands out from under him, pressing them against his thighs to get him to hold them up and apart.

 

 

Then Batman saw the Joker finally tilt his head down to press his grinning face to the exposed skin between Bruce’s legs and he forced himself to look away.

 

 

Batman was an adult. He was not completely inexperienced in matters of sex and relationships. He was not a prude.

 

 

But this was too much.

 

 

Its not that their playful dirty talk had really been all that wild (though certainly how open and unselfconscious this Bruce seemed to be was a bit jarring…). Nor was it that this intense intimacy should come as a particular surprise considering their behavior outside a few minutes ago.

 

 

No, the aspect of the scene that most disturbed Batman was the fact that in the dimmer lighting of the barn it was much more difficult to see the ways that these two visibly differed from him and from… the Joker from his world. In this light, even with the sun streaming in, their skin looked paler. In this light it was much less easy to tell that this Joker’s hair wasn’t green.

 

 

In this light it really did feel like he was watching himself grinning and laughing fondly at the Joker’s antics— it felt like he was watching _himself_ moaning and writhing under the Joker’s touch. 

 

 

He shuddered at the thought. Although the barn was much cooler than outside and he felt a breeze on his face from one of the open windows, he still felt uncomfortably hot.

 

 

The flush of arousal he had tried to ignore outside when he saw Bruce making his Joker look him in the eye as he brought him off had returned in full force and he was apparently helpless to continue to deny it.

 

 

He hoped the Justice League was having more luck with their coordinates and that they would be finished thwarting the rest of the abductions before he got back. Because he was not in the mood.

 

 

An unexpected cry interrupted his thought process.

 

 

He tensed, thinking the noise finally signaled a danger that he was prepared to deal with.

 

 

Unfortunately that was not it.

 

 

“Ahh— _Jack_! Fuck— that… _tickles_ … What are you even _doing_ down there?” the folksy Bruce demanded incredulously, he didn’t go as far as letting go of his thighs but he did crane his neck, trying to see what the Joker was doing.

 

 

The Joker just giggled a muffled giggle.

 

 

Bruce arched his back somewhat, and cried out again

 

 

Batman intuited that the Joker had just repeated whatever act Bruce had chastised him about.

 

 

Bruce groaned but let out a huff of laughter.

 

 

“Just _stop,_ J! I thought you said that you, and I quote, ‘didn’t have all day’?” Bruce groaned. “I thought you said you were a ‘busy man.’ I thought you had ‘business’ to attend to,” he continued to mock.

 

 

The Joker finally raised his head from where it had been bent over Bruce’s ass and smiled.

 

 

“…Shit. I set you up for that didn’t I. Please don’t tell me your business was with my asshole, Jack.”

 

 

The Joker beamed down at Bruce and giggled again. He slithered up Bruce’s body to kiss him.

 

 

Bruce groaned into the kiss, presumably either with reference to the joke his partner _was_ indeed most certainly going to make or possibly in recognition of the fact that the Joker’s tongue had just been in his asshole, but he didn’t push him away and seemed mildly disappointed when the Joker finally pulled away.

 

 

This time the Joker dragged a hand down Bruce’s stomach absently while one hand reached over to the jar and Batman heard a lid being unscrewed.

 

 

When the Joker’s fingers emerged from the jar they briefly glistened in a beam of sunlight streaming through the window and he dragged his slick hand down Bruce’s body mirroring what his other hand had just done and leaving a smear on his stomach. His eyes were trained on Bruce’s, looking amused but discernibly fond, his eyes crinkling in a way that Batman was disturbed to realize he growing increasingly familiar with the longer he spent on this Earth.

 

 

Bruce huffed in response to the smear left on his stomach, but his lips quirked up and he didn’t comment, perhaps not wanting to goad the Joker into teasing him further.

 

 

His restraint seemed to pay off because not a moment later Bruce was gasping and the Joker was beaming and staring down lovingly at him before directing his attention to the at the task at hand.

 

 

Batman’s sense of decency was clearly becoming compromised the longer he stayed on this ridiculous Earth because this time he didn’t look away.

 

 

He was once again struck with how odd it was to be watching _himself_ laying flushed and erect as the Joker’s long slick fingers thrust in and out of him, hearing low needy moans spilling from his own lips.

 

 

Folksy Bruce let out another cry and the World’s Greatest Detective had a fairly good idea about what part of his inner anatomy the Joker was currently stimulating.

 

 

The Joker looked extremely pleased and seemed to repeat his former action until Bruce was writhing and making all sorts of noises and looking more desperate than ever. After a moment of this he stopped moving and pulled his fingers out without warning. Bruce looked irritated for a moment but the Joker was leaning back up to kiss him again.

 

 

“Ooohoo Brucie you’re too good at this we should do it this way more often!” the Joker exclaimed into the kiss with delight.

 

 

Before Bruce could answer (though from the man’s quirked lips and raised eyebrow Batman was sure whatever he was going to say would have been scathing and arch) the Joker was sliding away and tearing off his shirt and pants before taking his place back in front of Bruce and lining up his leaking cock with Bruce’s slick, lovingly prepared asshole and whatever he was going to say died on his lips.

 

 

As soon as he had finished slowly pressing his cock into Bruce he collapsed on his chest dramatically letting himself go limp and loudly moaning into Bruce’s neck.

 

 

Bruce just snorted underneath him and brought his hands around to the Joker’s ass and began to knead his buttocks.

 

 

“This is _exactly_ why we don’t do it this way, Jack. Honestly, at this rate we’ll be here all day,” Bruce chastised, and Batman heard a muffled dreamy sigh emanating from Joker’s location, pressing his face into Bruce’s neck.

 

 

“ _Move,_ ” Bruce urged exasperated, but fond as ever.

 

 

“You’re toooo tight Brucie. You’re toooo good. Just leave me here to die. This is how I’ve always wanted to kick the bucket”

 

 

“Oh?” Bruce’s tone took on a mischievous quality. “Then I’d better help hasten the process along.”

 

 

The Joker shrieked and finally pushed off of Bruce. “Brucie! You’ll kill a man like that!”

 

 

Once again, though the Batman couldn’t be sure, his finely tuned detective instincts told him that undoubtedly Bruce had just flexed his asshole and tightened around the Joker’s presumably sensitive dick.

 

 

“If I see one I’ll be sure to remember that,” Bruce snarked, deadpan.

 

 

The Joker just grinned and pulled out of Bruce entirely. Then before Bruce could comment the Joker was reaching a hand down to line his cock back up to swiftly thrust back into him.

 

 

Bruce let out a low moan.

 

 

This time the Joker did not hesitate before he began roughly slamming into Bruce in earnest.

 

 

The Joker eventually fell forward, holding himself up on his forearms, resting his forehead against Bruce’s shoulder.

 

 

Bruce’s arms snaked around him and his fingers clutched at his back, wrapping his legs around the Joker’s waist.

 

 

Once again Batman lost track of time and had no sense of how long this seemed to go on, the rapid erratic thrusting and the string of assorted gasps and moans being let out by both of them. 

 

 

“Bruu…—cie… Oh noo… You feel toooo good” the Joker moaned into Bruce’s shoulder. After a moment he moved slightly to begin fucking at a slightly different angle and Bruce’s response was immediate. The noises spilling from his lips intensified and he moaned approvingly.

 

 

“Ah— _Yes_ … Fuck. Shit. Jack. That’s— so _good_ ,”Bruce’s deep voice praised breathlessly.

 

 

Batman didn’t think the Joker could get any more vocal but he seemed absolutely thrilled by the praise and he moaned louder.

 

 

“ _Bru..cie— Bru..cie— Bruce—,_ ” the Joker gasped inarticulately into Bruce’s skin in time with each thrust, sounding progressively more and more desperate, like he was nearing his climax.

 

 

Then the Joker reached a hand down into the small space between them and wrapped his fingers around Bruce’s untouched cock and began to pump up and down. It didn’t take long until Bruce was groaning and coming all over his stomach.

 

 

After this Joker only thrust into him a few more times before he let out one last long pleased moan into Bruce’s shoulder and after a moment collapsed on top of him.

 

 

One of Bruce’s arms was still wrapped around the Joker’s back but one hand came up to lazily tangle in the hair on the back of the Joker’s neck.

 

 

Without dislodging Bruce’s hand, the Joker raised his head just long enough to plant a handful of loud, wet kisses on Bruce’s shoulder and chest, whatever skin was readily available to him, before he let it fall down again and sighed.

 

 

“Whew what a long, productive day!” the Joker enthused sleepily.

 

 

“It’s only eleven in the morning.”

 

 

“Oh. Well that’s all I had scheduled! Whaddya say we hang around for a nice snooze to celebrate a job well done,” the Joker murmured hopefully into Bruce’s skin.

 

 

“You know… I hate to break it to you… But I _actually do_ have things to do today…” Bruce informed him, but this was followed by an ill-concealed yawn.

 

 

“Pffft. You wish, babe. What else could you possibly have to do today?”

 

 

“ _Work_ ,“ came Bruce’s insistent, but now discernibly sleepy reply. 

 

 

“Yeah right. I mean really. What else wooould you be doing today? Fantasizing about yours truly? Writing in your diary? Dear Diary, today that handsome love of my life, Jack, gave it to me good while I just laid about like an oaf. Then I simply _had_ to cruelly tear myself away in order to—“ the Joker’s rambling complaints were interrupted by Bruce roughly grabbing his chin and pulling him into a kiss.

 

 

Bruce pulled away after a minute of sloppy, open mouthed kissing.

 

 

“Fine,” Bruce began.

 

 

“Fine _what_?” the Joker teased.

 

 

Bruce just huffed a laugh and pressed his lips against the Joker's for one more quick, wet kiss.

 

 

“ _Fine_ , just shut up and go to sleep, Jack,” Bruce finished. He released the Joker’s chin and his hand went back to resting comfortably on the Joker’s neck. He let his head fall back to the ground and his eyes fluttered shut.

 

 

The Joker just let out a laugh and his cheek fell back to rest on Bruce’s shoulder.

 

 

“Pffft. Like we were ever going to do anything else,” he concluded smugly, his laughing eyes quickly falling shut as well.

 

 

Bruce didn’t say anything else but Batman could see his lips quirk up.

 

 

A moment later one of Bruce’s eyes cracked open and he asked teasingly, “ _Handsome love of my life_ , huh?”

 

 

The Joker just grinned, eyes still closed. “You know it, toots,” he murmured absently rubbing his cheek against Bruce’s skin.

 

 

Bruce was smiling too and just hummed in response.

 

…

 

Batman wanted to die. He was feeling hot and frustrated and apparently very dramatic.

 

 

His arousal still hadn’t flagged even after all that nauseating affectionate banter, but he absolutely refused to do anything about it, now or ever.

 

 

In fact, he decided he would never touch himself again, just to be safe. That way he could be sure that no errant thoughts about this day would ever creep in when he least wanted them to.

 

 

He also changed his mind, and no longer fantasized about the Justice League finishing up the mission and saving the rest of the endangered Bruces without him.

 

 

Instead he fantasized about lining up missions for the next hundred years without breaks so he might never have to go home and be alone with his thoughts.

 

 

He shuddered, imagining getting home and going to bed, only to be assailed by thoughts of this day while he was trying to fall asleep.

 

 

He dreaded the thought of returning home and Alfred inevitably asking how his missions went.

 

 

Most of all though he tormented himself, fretting about how he might react the next time he saw the Joker from his Earth. Would he ever be able to safely look at him again without images from this day flitting through his mind?

 

 

His eyes narrowed, looking where Bruce’s fingers were still tangled in the Joker’s hair.

 

 

…

 

 

This was going to take a lot of repressing if he wanted to be able to function normally after this. 

 

 

He hoped he was up to the task.

 

 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> got another chapter like half done will post it soon
> 
> n then got like an epilogue planned after that real quick then im done probably wont be long maybe 10000 words total maybe 15000 which is way longer than i anticipated but... ??? i am terrible and embarrassing so.. no surprise
> 
>  
> 
> oh yea also before i forget btw that part where b presses his chest to jokes was abs inspired by this fic which was tooo good damn g bless just wanna give credit where credit is due haha
> 
> http://archiveofourown.org/works/7885582


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